Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Where's my invitation - How to stay good friends (off of Facebook)

Lauren and her wicked smile
Wonderful Facebook, where you find out who your true friends are. Right? Where people have the power to block you, see the post you only meant for your close friends, unlike your photos by not giving you a like in the first place, where stalking is prevalent, and gossip spreads faster than a hippo taking a dump. Where a whole lot can be assumed about a person you may or may not know, and you get away with jumping to the wildest, unfair, and idiotic conclusions about them.

Enter Sunday morning a couple of weeks ago. My husband and I were scanning our morning paper  newsfeed. Lo and behold what do I see, someone else partying with out me.
GASP! No, how could this be, this girl is my good friend, not my enemy? Immediately my mind goes through all the whys? (Read this in a really whiney voice)  - Why
wasn't I invited to the party? My husband was invited to her fiancé's Buck's (Bachelor) Party, why wasn't I invited to her Hen's (Bachelorette) Party? I thought Lauren and I were really good friends, why? Wahhhhh!
 I can make fun of myself now but I was genuinely concerned and hurt at the time.
Bride-to-be
My husband's response was to text Lauren right away to see why this great injustice happened.
My response was rejection, and even embarrassment for thinking perhaps this friend and I were not as close as I had thought. I told David I wouldn't be texting, that I was sure Lauren had her reasons for snubbing  not putting me on the guest list. Dave didn't let up. He wanted to keep talking about it, and I kinda wanted to crawl into a hole  pretend it wasn't happening. I partially decided that I would carry my wound in my big, beautiful, aching heart towards Lauren for the rest of our friendship days. Things would silently and bitterly never be the same between us.

Didn't Lauren know that her wedding was totally about me? That's what I said to Dave, while I was joking and trying to be strong, and push past the rejection. I felt like I should say nothing because there would be enough people in Lauren's life that would unfairly make the day about them. I didn't want her to see me as "that" friend. Luckily, Dave won the argument of me texting my dear sweet inconsiderate friend. I soon discovered that Lauren hadn't wanted a big Hen's night at all, but her 4 close friends from her University days had planned a day out for her (with the promise of no penis necklaces). HOORAY! I learned there was no reason to feel rejected.
The girls at Inner City Wine Makers 
High Tea at Coco Monde
So here's the happy ending (Thai Massage not included); because I did communicate with Lauren on the whole thing I don't have to carry a wound around, a stain on our relationship, and feel rejected. I probably would have let that little wound fester and tell me lies about my gorgeous friend, and my own significance to her. This last weekend the girls from her work did the same thing; planned an entire day out for her to celebrate the end of her unmarried days. Sweet Lauren put me on the guest list ... NO - not because she felt sorry for me but because I'm awesome fun, and she knows that. We had a fantastic afternoon out, and the friendship is better than ever.


Have you done this to someone? Assumed the worst, only to discover the truth behind what you see on Facebook. What an important lesson for me. Always ask and keep communication open!

Happy Marriage to you and Raj, Lauren. Love you guys!

35 comments:

  1. It's so easy to do! I like the way you've told this. Glad there's no resentment. Happy wedding day to Lauren!

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  2. You must have felt much better after talking to her! Hope she has a great wedding day and marriage :)

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  3. Naaaaw, happy endings are awesome. It's funny how sometimes we forget we can do this little thing like pick up a phone and communicate outside of FB! And thank goodness, now you don't have to turn up to her wedding in a big white fluffy dress so you can passively-agressively get back at her. LOL.

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  4. I had a good chuckle reading this... Yes, been in this same situation too! Glad it all worked out in the end. Trust the friendship!

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  5. Good on you for talking to your friend about it. I fear I would have just let it fester and probably unknowingly pushed my friend away.

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  6. @TeganMC I know, I think I may have too. I'm so grateful for a best friend (husband) who pushes me to do better.

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  7. Lauren is one of the kindest, generous, caring friends I could ask for - I should have trusted the friendship! @Nadia

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  8. I know right, my old wedding dress was on it's way to the cleaners! Communication saves money. HA!

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  9. I'm so glad! Her husband-to-be is one of the sweetest men I have ever met too. Happy marriage is definetly on the cards for these two!

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  10. @Emily Thanks! I have a hard time keeping anything serious. Must make everything into a funny. It's how I deal with schtuff!

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  11. 26 Years & CountingSeptember 23, 2014 at 12:24 PM

    Sometimes seeing everything a friend does is bad I guess...I sometimes think that a group of my friends thinks that I don't have any other groups of friends besides them.

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  12. BAHAHA!!! I only have Lauren, apparently. :)

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  13. One of the reasons I am not a fan of FB, glad it all worked out in the end. xx

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  14. Thanks Lisa, me too. Would have been a loss. She's a precious friend!

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  15. I must confess there was a bloggy lunch recently that I only found out about when I saw photos on Facebook, and my first thought was WHERE WAS MY INVITATION?! Clearly it got lost in cyber space. But then I reminded myself I was so frantically busy that particular week there is no way I could have gone anyway, so I built myself a bridge and (mostly) got over it xxx

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  16. I'm so glad you spoke to your friend, Jess. It's too easy to jump to conclusions, isn't it? I'm not a huge FB fan, because it's not always easy to have perspective when you're only seeing part of a story.
    Thank goodness for happy endings x

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  17. I dare say this is a symptom of social media. I can't imagine how many friendships, relationships and families have come undone due to a badly written status update, or someone forgot to tag someone in a photo. I'm the first to get my knickers in a knot about not being included or invited, so I'll be taking a lesson from you...thank you! x #teamIBOT

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  18. Renee at Mummy, Wife, MeSeptember 24, 2014 at 6:21 AM

    It is so easy to jump to conclusions. I always get total FOMO when I see someone partying without me. It does hurt, but there's usually a good reason behind it. Great post.

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  19. Kathy www.yinyangmother.comSeptember 24, 2014 at 8:05 AM

    You are so right that FB can be no substitute for real communication and connection. And it can be the source of much miscommunication. Real friendship wins out in the end.

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  20. @Renee at Mummy, Wife, Me What's FOMO?
    Thanks, I hope there's always a good reason.

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  21. It will probably happen to me again but I think I know now not to hesitate in talking to the friend ...

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  22. I have a friend who doesn't have Facebook. She doesn't have these problems. HA!! Something to be said in that, but I still love my social media!

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  23. I know, sometimes the reason may be as simple as you can't invite everyone or make everyone happy, right? I find that if you go over the magic number of 6 at a table then you won't end up having the quality time you wanted, or you may end up sitting next to the most boring people there instead of the person you came for ...

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  24. Hooray! Winning! @Kathy www.yinyangmother.com

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  25. This is too, too true! I've seen it happen on so many occasions, and yes I admit, I have been guilty before too. In the years since I first started on Facebook I've learnt a lot about assumptions and tone and how living our lives on screen can cause all sorts of problems. Thanks for the reminder x

    (Visiting on behalf of #teamIBOT today)

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  26. Bel from Balance in WonderlandSeptember 25, 2014 at 7:47 PM

    Oh, you're wonderful. I'm the silently hold it against them forever kind, because, you know, I hate making waves.
    Fantastic to discover you on Newcastle Writes!

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  27. Good on you for chatting about this with Lauren. I hate conflict and probably wouldn't have said anything, carried my hurt around and it would have just metastasised. And that just ain't healthy!
    Damn social media! Making all social things even
    more complicated!!

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  28. YES! I'm so glad you spoke to your friend. The feeling would have sucked. I'm an avoid confrontation type so I've had these kinds of situations, and I think I've made others feel that way too. Damn social media and the confusion it creates!

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  29. So glad it all worked out! FB can be a true curse like that. It's hard not to feel rejected but I'm glad you checked in with her. See? It all turned out for the best!

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  30. I know! What a relief to know I'm loved after all :) hehe @Grace

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  31. I hate confrontation but I am usually the one to do it. Funny that my husband was pushing me towards it because he is the confrontation avoider in our marriage ;) @Sheridan Anne

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  32. It really does. Thankfully the positives out weight the negatives so I can't quit it @Shannon @ Oh Creative Day

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  33. @Bel from Balance in Wonderland so lovely to meet another Newy Blogger on here. Yippee. We probably know the same people!

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  34. @Kylie Purtell, A Study in Cont it appears I am still learning ...I guess we all are to some extent. It amazes me how many people love to read about friendship drama ...

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  35. I try to remember that Facebook is the highlight reel for most people..and I totally agree, keeping the lines of communication clear and open is the basis of true friendship. Even though it can be really hard to confront people sometimes.

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