|This was me with my boy at a farm stay two weeks ago! Loving life to the max and totally present!|
I remember driving home from the Dr's and pharmacy with my prescription of Zoloft on the seat beside me, and my husband on the hand's free. We both felt confused and torn about whether this was right for me, for our family. We both felt the stigma of anti-depressants and the label that brought with it. I think a year on we would both agree openly that we don't feel that stigma anymore and we could care less about the label. What we know now is that once-a-day little pill made us feel like the family we dreamed about before we ever got pregnant. What we know now is that taking Zoloft was taking a humble pill and a happy pill all at once. I had to throw out the pride to take it, and it made me feel like my old self again.
Months ago I wrote an article for a magazine on my struggle with Post Natal Depression, which I like to call (for myself) Post Natal Anxiety. I then wrote a blog post about it where I read the article out in a 14 minute podcast. I didn't know then that baring my soul and opening my heart to friends, and strangers on the internet would have the a far reaching effect that it did. As a result I have been able to write private messages on FB to women in a PND support group and let them know they aren't alone. I've been able to help some women discover their son/daughter had lip or tongue tie, or explain baby silent reflux to others. I've been there for those who feel like they have failed because they can't breastfeed. I've had emails from friends with new baby's who are silently struggling every day and finding it hard to seek support or know where to turn. I'm not tooting my own horn here, I'm just wanting to encourage more of us to come forward who've shared these struggles. Helping them has been part of the healing process for me - BIG time. I'm so glad I came out about my dark days as a new mum.
|Here I am in the shadows but NOT figuratively|
Who knows, next week my baby and I may come down with some sickness that makes us both cranky and sleep deprived, and maybe my anxiety will be triggered again. Maybe my boy will go through another phase I feel like I can't cope with. Right now I can't see that happening but I made a promise to myself that if I went off this medication (which has been a 2 month process) I would hop right back on it again if things started going south again. I have learned that me being better also means my family can be better too.
|Watching Charlie discovering new things about life is one of the great gifts of parenthood|
Today I can honestly say I enjoy being a mum so much, and if I had known then (when baby was 5 months) what life could be like I wouldn't have hesitated taking the pills. I wouldn't have waited so long...
|I love this face! He's so worth everything.|