Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Sexy Man Football League: XXX-ploiting Men Since 2015


I woke up this morning to the Australian morning show Sunrise. It was Superbowl in America and so they were interviewing a famous American footballer. That makes sense. What didn't make sense was surrounding him on every side were women from the Lingerie League. Yes, you heard right, the (LFL) Lingerie Football League is a thing. Don't laugh or stare. They are athletes that should be taken seriously. Sunrise thought so  and that's why zero amount of time was spent interviewing them. Don't worry, they weren't ignored; they were important enough to be sitting there as delicious eye-candy, their shoulder pads and jersey's cut off just above the cleavage line and their breasts heaving from their very supportive bikini tops. 

At first glimpse you'd think Sunrise had been infiltrated by a bunch of porn-stars who'd just gone on their coffee break and stumbled into a Sunrise Green room by mistake. Debbie does the Dallas Cowboys and then a cup of joe? Enough poking fun though because truthfully the ladies of the LFL had to be in Tyrell's interview because he was having a party afterwards. Made sense to me. 




I'm sorry Tyrell Owens? What was that really important thing you were saying about football, we were too busy staring at the shoulder pads of the athletes surrounding you. Okay, we lied Tyrell. We were just looking at their boobs. Now that I've taken this moment to look at you though, it seems as if you've put too many clothes on today, forgotten your fake lashes and have done nothing with your hair.

It's alright. I'm totally not offended by a woman's football league that's completely sexist, and purely exists for men to get their rocks off; which is why I also enjoy watching bikini mud wrestling. What? Don't hate. It's a real sport too.

Oh wait. Nope, I was confused. I. Don't. Watch. That. I must have gotten that confused with puppy mud-wrestling.

Why should Mitchell Mortaza, founder of the LFL, be the only one monetarily benefitting from turning an every day, internationally enjoyed family sport into a sex-binge of body parts and touch-me-downs? Break me off a piece of that cracker, and dip it in some green! You feel me?

I'm looking for investors. Do you have money? I want it.


Welcome to the Sexy Man Football League (SMFL)

Next I'm looking for hot, sexy men. To audition try-out for the team, you must have toned abs, tight butts, and beautiful calves. Oh! And a nice-to-look-at face (*no make-up or fake-lashes needed). Exceptions on softer bodies will only be made for faces that look like George Clooney, Johnny Depp, Leonardo Di Caprio, and Ryan Gosling. You must be willing to degrade yourself constantly while still calling yourself a top-athlete. You must enjoy the hoots, screams and hollers of dirty, old, wet housewives. You must be willing to wear only short shorts (*ex- AFL players need not apply because, quite honestly, at 38 you're just too old). You must be willing to listen to derogatory conversation from the sidelines regarding your tight buns and those of your team-mates. The SMFL show game starts now. 

 You MUST look like this     ...                                            not this
                                                                       
                                                                                                                  ... this is also good.
I call this one pube-a-rific


                  (because it's ok to be a raging pervert and making money off it) 
             
*This post is dedicated to my lovely, lifelong friend Jeff Woodyard for giving me a love of football and a good backyard BBQ, (and because he would let me exploit him in the SMFL in a heart beat if I asked him to).

Linking up with Essentially Jess for  IBOT 

36 comments:

  1. Hahaha! I love you. This is awesome. I can not believe LFL actually exists. Oh wait, I can. It is America after all. I bet Kochie's eyes nearly fell out of his head when he saw all of them lining up against Tyrell. I feel for the women. Where's the self respect, ladies?

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  2. Hilarious. I was only just discussing the LFL with hubby the other night and we were both shaking our heads.

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  3. I find the LFL super depressing. Why can't it stand for Ladies Football League and have them wearing actual clothes?,it's tacky and degrading and sexist and exploitative. Good on you for turning the tables- it really shows how ridiculous it is.

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  4. I'd totally go to a SMFL game. I'd cheer on Pubearific. He looks like a startlingly talented athlete. I would also watch puppy mud wrestling. Any time, any place.

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  5. this is great. Thumbs up PKM. :) I'd sponsor your initiative!

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  6. Think you could be onto something here, Jess!

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  7. Natalie @ Our Parallel ConnectFebruary 3, 2015 at 1:34 PM

    I have read and the I had to re-read.. Ok just re-look at the pictures again incase you had made a spelling mistake. Nup.... all good here. I do love the pub-a-rific one

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  8. Oh lord, I just don't know what to say! Is being in the LFL better or worse than being a cheerleader do you think? #TeamIBOT

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  9. The guy at the bottom left looks like a ken doll! I want to make a remark about how if you pulled his legs hard enough, his bottom half would be detachable, (because that's what it looks like), but everything I say sounds so dirty.
    And this comment probably wasn't much better.
    I'm exiting now.

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  10. I laughed at the Not This photo. Strangely he would probably try out for a team sport like this.

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  11. Isn't it ridiculous! And I think you meant, only wear a g-string, right?!

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  12. I haven't brought a costume designer on board yet but I'm open to revealing ideas

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  13. It would be like Australian idol. Thinking you got what it takes when you really don't. Must consider getting a TV contract so people can watch the auditions, I mean try-outs.

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  14. @EssentiallyJess HA!!! Who needs a torso and head? Bloody useless I say.

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  15. @Bec @ HoP & StLSoP My husband also pointed that out. In my mind it's a little different because football is a sport that should be played by men and women equally. Meaning you shouldn't have to dress in bedroom attire for your sport to be recognised. Where as Cheerleading has always been what it is. Women cheering on the side of a game. The outfits worn have definitely become sluttier over the years so they have that in common - slutty outfits.

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  16. He's looking for a sponsor @Natalie @ Our Parallel Connect

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  17. SHOW ME THE MONEY @Lisa @ Random Acts Of Zen

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  18. You would, you're the type. Big pervert with the big, deep pockets. We know. haha @stufffromthesuburbs

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  19. @Lauren @ the-thud.com Welcome! Thanks for the FB follow too! It looks like you and @Natalie @ Our Parallel Connect could be in competition for pube-a-rific's sponsorship?

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  20. @Mystery Case The sad thing is that I believe those women are actually talented athletes. It's a shame the only way they get air-time or field time is by dressing like that!

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  21. @HandbagMafia Haven't you heard? They changed the name to Legends Football League, but neglected to give them actual clothes. The budget must be tight.

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  22. @Renee at Mummy, Wife, Me It's definitely American. BUT they have a league here in Australia. YIKES! I would totally go to a game if it weren't all skanky! Tough, bad ass women playing sport should be HOT enough.

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  23. Pube-a-riffic. Bahahhahahhahahahaa! I might be a bit late, but I'm gonna make that my word for 2015. And urge. This topic makes me too angry. I freaking LOVE your idea though, and am certain that it will make MILLIONS. I mean, Grid Iron is boring as FUCK. Needs WAY more pubes.

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  24. I discovered the Lingerie League a few years ago when I used to accept reader choice once a week. A reader asked me write about. Man it was an eye opener and at the time they were looking to bring it down under. Although I think the Aussies would use less padding, we're tougher ;)

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  25. @TeganMC very eye opening! OMG! I heard about it a few years ago too, but seeing them on TV for no purpose other than to show their tits just pissed me off. Why wasn't he surrounded by a male Aussie grid iron team? Exactly.

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  26. That really sounds so wrong! Probably because it is!

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  27. Hugzilla, there you are! I was wondering when you were going to show up to this party. It's not a discussion on sexism unless you and @HandbagMafia come along for the ride. haha! In the wake of Magic Mike II being released I think my timing may be impeccable with starting this new league. All those horny ladies with nowhere to turn. I'm here for them!

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  28. Too funny Jess! Sunrise is the most stupid show on television so I wouldn't expect anything else from them.

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  29. @Deb Baker what am I doing watching such a stupid show? Of yeah, there's that or ABC2 as my options. haha

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  30. Oh my! I'm generally not interested in sport. The argument about which team can get more balls over the line is of no concern to me BUT this I can handle. Meanwhile I would like to see a hawt male tennis league with mandatory twirling before every match. Roger Federer! Some of the cricketers too could do to lose their white. Hello George Bailey!

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  31. Woah! Talk about the extremes of football!
    Sunrise is such a bogus show. It's very transparent when they're desperate for content - which is often.

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  32. Robyna@theMummyandtheMinxFebruary 7, 2015 at 3:04 PM

    Am eagerly awaiting the first season.

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  33. @Robyna@theMummyandtheMinx We can always count on you! Yeah! We supply the men and you supply the beers?

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  34. Yeah, it seems like sometimes they "stand" for things and then the next day take the back seat to a similar topic? @Grace Hope your survived camping!

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  35. Robyna@theMummyandtheMinxFebruary 11, 2015 at 7:26 PM

    You're on :)

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