Tuesday, June 23, 2015

10 Reasons I'm Totally Into Older Mums


I was into older mums years before I had my son. I used to be a nanny 7 years ago and would take the boy I cared for to Playgroup each Thursday. To start with the playgroup was incredibly small. We are talking 2-3 of us plus children, but soon it grew to be quite large. I always went out of my way to greet the new parents coming in for the first time. One of them is now one of the best friends, Paula.
She will be 47 next week. I'm 33. That age gap has rarely bothered either of us. We were forced into conversing because the boy in my care and her son loved playing together. You'd never think to match us up as friends just by looking at us but it works.
I probably didn't understand then that I was drawn to her because she was wiser and older, but I know now that that was the long-term hook; not just Paula's fantastic sense of humour.
Lovely Paula and Nathan
Now I'm back at playgroup with my own son and I look at the 3 women I am closest to there and it's hit me that I have a thing for older mums. I want to be their friend. I'm drawn to them. I want their advice but more than that I love their company. Why is that? I've been trying to figure it out since I realised it a couple months ago. This is what I've come up with so far.
The 10 Reasons I'm Totally Into Older Mums

1. Trees of Wisdom: Paula has been my closest confidant the last few years and she tells me now how much I've changed (for the better) since I was 26. It's nice to hear, but at the same time it makes me wonder how silly I must have been then. I would always take my work drama to her and just vent my little ass off. She would always blow me away with how objective and insightful she was. None of my friends my age even came close to doing that for me.


Older mums are great at helping us not to sweat the small stuff, to step back and get some perspective before making any quick judgements or decisions.

2. Keeping It Real: Paula saw the underlying issues, and was never afraid to be deliver it truthfully even if it might not be what I wanted to hear. She could be brutally honest with me and wouldn't blink twice when gently explaining to me that I was part of the problem. She didn't outright say it because she sometimes has more tact than that but she'd communicate it to me in such a way that eventually I'd see she was right.

3. Get To The Point: I have found that a lot of older mums are really great at being assertive. If they can't do you a favour they just say so. They are no longer are "yes" women who will bleed themselves dry trying to please everyone else. They've learned what they have time for and are better at appropriating their time. I know where I stand with these mums a whole lot better than I do with my younger mum friends; when they are upset with me they tell me. They don't waste time going behind my back and uselessly talking about it so that nothing ever gets sorted out. That's definitely something you can only get from women with maturity.

4. Get a Glass of Wine and Stay Awhile: These women are great at conversation. I never run out of things to talk about with them. They are so interesting with so many life experiences to draw from. If it's happening to me I can usually bet it's already happened to them. And you guessed it, that means I get all their wit and wisdom on the topic. They can have me rolling in laughter, or having an Oprah ah-hah moment the next.


5. They Are More Financially Secure: I love them for their money. Nah! Just kidding. But usually they have figured out what they want to be when they grow up and there's a sense of security in that. They're usually at a stage in life where they own their own home, and money is no longer a hinderance to them enjoying life a little bit more. Not always the case, and it doesn't matter to me either way. However, in summary, they can buy their younger friends nice cheese, and wine to cry into if needed!


6. They've Changed the Nappies, Dealt With the Croup, and Felt All the Feelings: If they have older kids they can help you get through or prepare yourself for your child's phases. They don't care as much about the materialistic stuff for kids either. They are all about the hand-me-downs from one kid to the next, or from someone else's kid to theirs. They don't care if your kid is wearing the latest merino hand cut suede boots, or if they have Country Road labels on the inside of their shirts. They own the stuff that can get dirty and wash out easily. They don't give a shit if your child sleeps in a Boori sleigh cot or the neighbour's old one as long as they sleep. If your kid has a bad cough they can tell you whether or not you should be worried about it. My friend Cherie validates me because she has a busy 7 year old and watches what I go through with my busy 2 year old. She helps me feel sane because she's done it all before; the stares of judgement from other people, the chasing, the constant correcting, and the exhaustion.


7. Who Gives A Stuff What Anyone Else Thinks: They constantly remind me not to worry what anyone else thinks. Not only have they given up trying to please everyone they are all just too tired to care any more. The only energy they have left is keeping their kids alive until their partner's come home from work.
Just ride the flamingo if you want to
8. Great Last Minute Babysitters: I've had a few moments lately where I've needed to call on my older mama friends to watch my son for a couple hours. By now they've had one or more children so they aren't stressed about throwing a toddler into the mix for a couple hours while I get an errand done.

9. Way More Fun on a Night Out: They know how precious their time with out their kids is so when it comes time to get out on the dance floor they usually just go for it. Recently I was out with some mums dancing and they were just going for it on the dance floor. I saw many mom-moves come out, maybe even some tribal jungle shit you've never seen before. A young 20-something just stood there eyeing my friend up and down with so much hate and energy. My friend didn't even notice. WHY? Because she was too busy enjoying every second of child-free quality time with her girlfriends! Less inhibitions and giving shits = way more fun.

10. All the fun of a Gen Y with all the manners of a Gen X:
Paula is constantly reminding me that I'm Gen Y. If you want to get technical I think I'm actually just a couple years off Gen X, but she won't hear any of it. I love that I don't have to beg my older friend's attention away from their phones to get a moment to talk. I've found that, generally speaking, my older friends are more polite and value my time more than my younger friends. They are less likely to cancel at the last minute or for a better offer (- let's be honest, I am now their best offer).

Now that you know how much better older mums are you're probably wondering where you can score some, right? How can you mum-date an older mum? Where can you go to find some wise piece of tail? I'll tell you where. Hello Mamas is where. It's like a dating site for mums. You put in all your details and BAM you can find other mums in your area with similar interests... and who are old. Or just older.

This is not a sponsored post. I'm a Hello Mama's Influencer (which is just a fancy way of saying member and contributor).

28 comments:

  1. Who knew there were sites for mum-dates! What a great idea! We have an older mama in our circle who is a great source of wisdom and hilarity, as well :)

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  2. I've found older mums to be way less judgy too. Great crew you've got Jess :) xx

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  3. @Mumma McD YES, YES, YES!!!! I wish I had added that as one of my points. It slipped my mind. So much so. I'd say that one of the reasons I love them best. It's so much easier to get to know them and have my guard down.

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  4. SUCH a good idea!!! Why didn't we think of it @HandbagMafia? I think so many older mums show us more of who they truly are and hilarity comes with that.

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  5. I'm not ageist but I agree, older mums are usually far friendlier.

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  6. I am a Gen-X-er which must be why I think you're the bee's knees! Too true darling. I am the youngest in my mother's group and we all get along like a house on fire. Nothing beats the power of a mature woman. I'll drink to that - and the fact that I can comment here today! X

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  7. Hey I'm an older Mum! We rock don't we!! I do feel as though not having any of the hang ups of my youth has been a huge advantage. And yes, I do know how to have a good night out and I can talk the leg off a chair.

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  8. I knew there was a reason we got on so well Jess x (I'm 48!)

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  9. I'm an older Mama too and I've recently been reflecting on how much less I care about what other people think I suppose that comes with age, I'm not sure how wise I am though!

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  10. Natalie @ Our Parallel ConnectJune 23, 2015 at 7:35 PM

    I love this... Especially all the fun of gen y but manners of gen x... I'm in a rutt.. Need a girls night out I think..

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  11. This is an awesome introduction to Hello Mamas! I love that you have older friends, because I do too. They are just so cool

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  12. Interesting. I've never really thought about it much and tend to have a varying age of mum friends. Being a Gen X myself I'd agree though, we have much wisdom to share. Ha! Who am I kidding! lol

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  13. OMG!!!! Thank you for letting me know. It's fixed now @Janet aka Middle Aged Mama

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  14. @Janet aka Middle Aged Mama Yeah, I'm into you! ;)

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  15. So this is why we are friends? Because you like old women. LOL!! This is so awesome. And so true. Seriously, point 10. Yes.

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  16. Number 10! YES! I find my older-mum friends to be super-reliable. We make a plan to meet up and they stick to it! No rescheduling, no "I'll text you as I'm leaving." Here's to older mum friends!

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  17. Yes to point 10! Although I do think it's more about priorities and less about age. I recently stopped talking to a couple of women I was friends with and the phone obsession was one of many reasons. If I am out with you, I am out because I want to see you, not the back of your phone while you read Facebook. Seriously, it's so rude.

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  18. @TeganMC Oh no. I too a long break from a friend who wouldn't put their phone down at my dining room table. I called them on it but they still wouldn't stop. Rude.

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  19. OR the last minute text to say they aren't coming right at the time they are due! AHHH!

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  20. OR the last minute text to say they aren't coming right at the time they are due! AHHH! @Shannon @ Oh Creative Day

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  21. Ok, it's really sad how many of us are saying point 10! Maybe it's worth it's very own blog post. Manners are so 2005! HA

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  22. @Jodi Gibson I bet you have a load of wisdom up your sleeve just waiting to be handed out

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  23. Thanks Jess! I can't believe someone finally thought to do something like this @EssentiallyJess!

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  24. I'll bring the wine @Natalie @ Our Parallel Connect or is that your job. hehe :)

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  25. @Vicki @ BoiledEggsandSoldiers Humility is a great character trait. I'm sure you have loads of wisdom waiting to be unleashed on the younger masses.

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  26. This is such a nice post, Jess. I have never thought whether I was an older mum or a younger mum (actually, scratch that, I've never been a younger mum!), but I like that I have lots of different mum friends who are all different ages. It's a great mix. x

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  27. My mothers group is mainly full of older mums and I love it. We met up for dinner one night child free and stayed out til 11pm lol. So much fun. I also love it because my own mum isn't very involved so I kind of get my mum hit from them but they're also young enough to be my friends not my mum, if that makes sense.

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