Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Child Slavery and Playdough

                  Note: The recipe below does not include cream of tartar because I have not posted the stove-top recipe.

It's a playdough making day. The idea must have been stuck in my head after seeing a playdough penis meatball tower on Hugzilla blog last week. Looking back at these photos of my son that I took last year made me realise it's been way too long since I made the stuff for him. If you've never tried making it yourself you'll be blown away with how easy it is to do. Growing up in a large family meant my mum was always making it.

My little brother notoriously became known as the goldfish murderer when he decided to drop all the playdough into the fish tank one rainy day back in 1992. They were over salted sardines by the time he was through.

Yup there's a lot of salt in homemade playdough. I used to put it in my mouth every time I played with it... on rainy days back in 1992.

By the time I was 11 my mum had enrolled me in a babysitting course, because once I hit 12 I would be legally able to babysit all (five) of my gorgeous younger annoying siblings FOR F***ING FREE!

So what does an 11 year old learn at a babysitting course? Well, you learn to turn the handles in on pans when cooking on the stove. Because every 12 year old should be able to make Mac'n'Cheese for her charges. I was known in the neighbourhood for over-salting my macaroni and killing one of the neighbour kids. Just checking that you're still reading. See, it's a bad family habit, killing things with salt. You should have seen what we did to the slug family living in our garden. I'll spell it out for you - D-e-a-d pile of goopy-goo.
Store it in the fridge in take-away containers for weeks. Or years if you're gross like that.
Back to the course though: I also learned basic CPR, time-outs, games to play, what emergency contacts to have, and of course play dough making. Unfortunately, they left out how much I should get paid, and as a result I babysat a lot... FOR F**KING FREE! 

And I still haven't learned my lesson because now I wife my husband and mum my child FOR F**CKING FREE too. According to the narcissistic and materialistic, Polly Phillips, in this article here, I should be getting a wife-bonus from my husband every year so I can go spend $750 on ballet shoes that make you fly. Oh, they don't make you fly? Damn. Then I'm not sure what the extra $700 I forked over for them was for?
Oh, the designer's name. Oh, okay - well then, that was definitely worth it. Chanel has a nice $700 ring to it. Worth it!

My son with his play dough in his designer highchair.

"I made it for you, kid ...
So shut up, look happy ...
and play with the mother fracking dough so I can take happy photos for my blog!"

No Cook Playdough Recipe

Ingredients: 
  • 1 cup Salt
  • 2 cups of Plain Flour
  • 1 cup cold water (*start with 1/2 cup and work from there to get the right consistency)
  • 1 tablespoon oil
  • Food colouring

Work it (like the 12 year old babysitter I know you are):
Mix salt and flour together then add water and oil until combined.

Knead it: with the muscles yo mama gave ya!

Divide it: work the dough into 4 equal parts. Add a couple drops of food colouring to each ball of dough and work through. You may need to add extra drops of colour to achieve the colour you yeard for.

Play with it: This could involve killing goldfish.

*****Disclaimer - PKM in no way encourages or endorses goldfish murder, and is in no way liable should your child make salty sardines using this recipe in their freshwater fish tank.*****

22 comments:

  1. HAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHA! You got rorted, dude. I always got money. Forget that communist babysitting course you did. You should have studied The Babysitters Club books. They taught me everything I needed to know. And those girls got PAID!

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  2. Oh, my, gawd, he is sooooooo gorgeous and btw, no cook play dough - how have I not known about this before!*#4%

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  3. Thank you! Now I have something for my students to do on the last day of term. You're a bloody genius!

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  4. Haha, thanks for the reminder - I haven't made pay dough for AGES.

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  5. Lol. I have been wanting to make playdough but have been too lazy. This actually looks too easy to put it off any longer. The 2 year old is going to be stoked that you wrote this post!

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  6. I'm sure loads of Polly's wife bonus goes on play dough- maybe you should send her this recipe? :D

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  7. Yes I was a child slave unpaid sibling babysitter too, and now an unpaid wife and mother. HOW do these injustices continue to occur in this day and age?!?!?!

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  8. Didn't anyone ever tell you - don't work with kids - they never take happy photos when you want them to.

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  9. Lucy @ Bake Play SmileJune 5, 2015 at 5:08 PM

    Hahaha this post made me laugh SO much!!! Bloody love it!

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  10. Woohoo I'm makin me some play dough. I mean making bub some play dough... yea that's what I meant. {part of me kinda hopes she tries to eat it so I can see her freak out at how salty it is lol}.

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  11. You know how I roll, @Dawn Rieniets? With a freaking rolling pin. Hell yeah.

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  12. @Toni I'm out of flour now and it's irritating me that I can't bake. haha! Damn play dough.

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  13. @Lucy @ Bake Play Smile Thanks, I'm so glad. I finished writing it and I went "Whoa, how did this go from playdough to f-d memories of my childhood. Well done, me." haha!

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  14. @Malinda Definitely not quitting my day job to be a family photographer!

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  15. @Mumma McD WAHHHHHHHH!!!! WHY!!! Are you telling me you don't get a wife bonus either. Pfffft! No fair. Don't you want ballet slippers than can make you fly?

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  16. I so should. OMG!!! That's the best idea. OH wait @HandbagMafia then I will just look like a jealous troll?

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  17. Has your 2 year old brought out all the best cookie cutters? haha! @Vicki @ Knocked Up & Abroad

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  18. @Lauren @ Create Bake Make PLEASE make something ridiculous with it and send me a photo! PLEASE.

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  19. F**K yeah!!! Oops. Sorry, shouldn't be swearing where children are involved. Words that should not be spelled out in playdough? I can help with that.

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  20. @Bele @ BlahBlah REALLY?? I just changed your life. BAM!! haha

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  21. Hugzilla - it's interesting how people with a lot of children usually are too poor to pay for babysitting. Coincidence? I think not. Perhaps not enough money for condoms either?

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