Monday, December 21, 2015

Dating Mike Dyson - The Blow By Blow Account

* Disclosure: Dyson gifted this vacuum to me to try and review; however, all opinions, ridiculous antics and tender moments are my own. 
Photography by Raj Kanogia 

Step 1:  Find the Dyson V6 of your dreams on the dating app Tinder and make contact

Step 2: Meet for your first date in a well lit, public place (because there's so many weirdos online. Am I right, ladies?).

Exception to the rule: I normally wouldn't recommend kissing on the first date but this was love at first sight

 Step 3: Make sure he compliments you: Mike told me he loves a woman with confidence and that's what drew him to me on Tinder.

Step 4: If the date is going well take him up on his offer to move on to another well lit, public place. I chose a cafe.

Step 5: A great way to gage your date's intellect is to find out if he like to stay on top of current events. 

 Step 6: Don't order for your date. I made that mistake. 

 Step 7: Don't wait for him to call you to go on a second date. Don't play games or wait by the phone. If you had a great time then give him a call. We caught up for a cheese platter and a plate of glitter a week later.

Step 8: Be yourself. I'm extremely hilarious. Here you can see me pretending to feed Mike a cherry even though he can't and we both know it. 

But he can pop mine. HA!

Golly! Gee-whiz, that was fun! Time for a re-charge.
 Step 9: Don't be afraid to try new things. For us it was all about the powerful suction.

Be spontaneous -We just threw things off and went for it. 

  Is that your cord I feel. Oh no, you're completely cordless. You've had a cordcumcision?

Step 10: Cover your tracks and make sure you lock the door. Whoops!

Seriously though: 

How does the Dyson V6 Absolute compare to my old $50 Diablo Vacuum?
Well, I would never have taken the Diablo to bed with me for starters. Secondly, the Diablo died on me in August right when I was cleaning up the study from a complete renovation so he isn't even around for a side by side comparison. I don't miss dragging his heavy ass around the house or his lack of powerful suction. I don't think I even knew what great suction was until I used to V6 Absolute. It's like a rebellious teen vs a sweet young adult; I was forcing my other vacuum to clean up while this new Dyson says "what else can I help you with?"

How has the Dyson changed my life? (I'm not exaggerating)!
My friend told me months ago that I needed a V6 Absolute, that it would change my life. I mentioned in another post that I have chronic pain and that cleaning and parenting is very painful everyday. I always put off vacuuming and mopping because I would pay for it the rest of the week. Pre-baby I even used to pay a friend to come once a month and vacuum and mop for me. But now my house is cleaner than ever because whenever there's a mess I just grab this lightweight Dyson and clean it up then and there, in a matter of seconds. No physical pain. No fiddling with the cord or hose, or dragging the red-beast behind me.
Vacuuming is no longer a big, difficult event for me.

What can the Dyson V6 do (besides me)?
It all comes apart with easy clicks. There is an attachment for: 
  • floors,
  • carpet
  • car or your mattress
  • the ceiling.
  • tiny crevices, and dusting too
It can pretty much clean anywhere. I used it on my deck yesterday to clean up all the crumbs left behind from a play date. It took me less than half the time it would to sweep the deck.

I made a short, little video to show you how freaking awesome it sucked in my dirty house

What's the battery life like? Using the two larger heads (floors and carpet) it can last up to 16 minutes, and on 'MAX' mode it can last 6 minutes but sucks a freaking shit load (as you can see in the rug cleaning part of my video)! It may not sound like a lot of time but it's suction is incredible on that higher volume.
  • With the attachment you see me use on my mattress can last 17 minutes.
  • And it can last 20 minutes using the attachments for tiny crevices, and dusting.
Does the short battery life bother me? It only did when I first got my Dyson because I wanted to keep trying it on everything but had to wait the 3.5hours for it to charge. But now that my house is all vacuumed, it's so simple for me to stay on top of my vacuuming like never before. It really is so easy compared to the massive chore it used to be.  Can I emphasise that enough?

I honestly love that this baby is cordless and hose-less too.

Would I spend $899 on this vacuum knowing what I know now? Abso-f*cking-lute-ly!! 
It changed my life and that's worth everything. But I would buy it at Costco instead for approximately $750 because I'm all about getting the best price on everything. You're welcome.

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